Five Mistakes Women Make When it Comes to the First Date

Letting Him Pick You Up
Always meet a guy for a first date. The number one reason. It makes you mysterious. Even if it is someone you know well, you have now established intrigue with this person. How so, you ask? A lot of first dates end the moment the guy pulls up to the door. He already knows too much about you. This could backfire in two ways. First he sees something he doesn’t like and he can’t get past it. Or, he ends up really liking you, but you don’t feel the same and now you have a stalker. Another advantage to meeting him for a date versus having him pick you up is at the end of the date. Once you leave the date, he has no idea where you are going. You may be going home and you may not. Again, establishing mystery. If the date is going well, he will most surely find a way to ask you what are you going to do after. Don’t give a specific location. Just say that you’re tired, or if it is early, say, “oh it’s so early, I hadn’t really thought about it.” Now you’re mysterious and he thinks that you have a life and aren’t just sitting around looking for a man. An added bonus to meeting for the first date, if the date isn’t going well, you can take yourself home and you don’t have to worry about that awkward drive back to your place.

Dominating the Conversation
Just don’t do it. On a first date, you want to practice the communication model. He talks, you listen, give visual cues that you’re interested, answer back. Or you talk, he listens and hopefully does the same. Keep in mind, if he dominates the conversation, it’s a huge red flag. If you do hit if off, you’ll be listening to him for the rest of your relationship, you may not want to sign on for that. If you don’t hit it off, it is probably because he is a narcissist and you dodged a big bullet.

Giving Out Too Much Information
This is really, truly common sense. There is being upfront, and then there is just TMI, too much information. He doesn’t need to know how many people you slept with last Summer, or that your uncle murdered someone, or even that you stripped to pay for college. It is a first date. Let him get to know who you are today, and you get to know him. If it is a match, the really personal stuff will come at the appropriate time. The first date is honestly more about how you feel around each other, the chemistry, the vibes you get from each other. Not the time to tell a guy every one of your deep, dark secrets.

Staying Overnight at His Place
Notice I didn’t say sleeping with him on the first date. I don’t normally recommend it, but in talking to some guys I have learned that it is not necessarily a deal breaker. In fact, some men feel that if things are spontaneously moving in that direction, then not doing it could be a turn off. I am honestly not sure about this one, so I will say that if you do decide to get busy on the first date, be aware of the situation, what you as an adult can handle emotionally, and be safe. However, I do know that once the deed is done, you should never, ever, be there in the morning when he gets up. Why? Because to a guy, sex is one thing, but waking up with a woman in his bed feels too much like commitment. Not that you shouldn’t want that, but guys move a lot slower in that area than we women do. By leaving before morning, preferably sneaking out while he is still sleeping, establishes your independence and let’s him know without a doubt that you are not trying to be Wifey after one date. In addition, it can be a little weird snuggling with someone you just really met the next day, especially if alcohol was involved. There is also a bonus to leaving before he wakes up, he will most certainly call to ask where you went if things were great, saving you the trouble of being the first to call him.

Falling In Love
At this stage of the game to a man, love equals crazy. Ladies, you have had one date, you are just getting to know each other. Okay, we can’t necessarily help it when we fall in love. But we can still be level headed and smart about it. If you start acting like a lovestruck teenager after the first date, you can guarantee that even if this is a great guy, he won’t end up being your great guy. Think about the things we do when we are in love. We call all of the time, we buy gifts, we give pet names, we want to hug and smooch and be in each other’s space all of the time. We cling and we act reckless. You may know without a doubt that he is the one, but he may not be on the same page. Now, you’re all giddy and in love and you start doing things that are way out of character and before you know it, the guy is down at the police station filing a restraining order against you. Keep your soft, mushy, loving feelings under wraps until you know the feeling is mutual.

First dates can be fun and they can be disasters. You can make a love connection or you can find yourself running for cover. The important thing to remember when establishing something new with a guy is learning how to navigate the situation using self control and that brain God gave you. Be smart about red flags, don’t be desperate and most important, remember to take it slow. What’s the rush? If it’s right, you’ll have a lifetime. : )

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